Friday, April 6, 2012

Friday, April 6: This ridiculous experiment.


Chris is obsessed with defining the exact number of days that this ridiculous experiment is going to last.  Originally he seemed to think we should try it out for a brief period.  Then, he thought it should go into the summer for goodness sakes.  Now he seems dead set on 90 days.  Try it for 90 days, he says.  He said he could tell I was already caving and guesses I might give up as early as tonight.

Well, I didn’t think that was a bad idea either, so after lunch I called Charlie when I took my afternoon walk.  I asked him if he didn’t think that that these nearly five full days were a good enough break and maybe we ought to have a beer or two when we get together with his friends after work for happy hour tonight.  He didn’t think it was a good idea or that enough time had gone by and suggested we proceed as planned.

I agreed to proceed with the plan but it’s really hard.  I’m having a hard time with it.  I’m depressed and anxious and have nothing to look forward to.  Every little thing is stressing me out.  It’s going to be really hard to go there and sit and watch these people have their beautiful drinking times tonight while I will undoubtedly sulk and be miserable.  I’ve briefly considered taking up the ciggies again, since I have nothing now that I’m not drinking.  Charlie pointed out that I have my nicotine gum which I thoroughly enjoy.  He even surmised that I might get more nicotine in my system now with all this gum than I did when I was just smoking the beautiful ciggies.  I explained, quite simply, no.  Besides, I’m only chewing the 2 mg gum, not the 4.

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